Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
