Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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