If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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