just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
