U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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