I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
