don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
