When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
