you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
