Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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