Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
