Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
