just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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