I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
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please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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