I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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