By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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