It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
