yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just invented taco cereal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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