I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
