Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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