I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
