we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
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I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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