sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
