yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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