she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
