i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
