Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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