As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
