I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
