1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
