I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
