I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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