Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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