you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
