If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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