How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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