so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
