I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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