No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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