Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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