The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
