i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
