he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
