Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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