Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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