He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
