God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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