thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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