I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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