The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
