He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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