I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
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