Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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