im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
