I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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