If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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