my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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