i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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