All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
