it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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