I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
