forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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