We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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