I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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