I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We are two peas in an std pod
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
