Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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