So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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