She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
