why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
