I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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